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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Multiculturalism Sensitivity Training

Just in case you need to talk to any white people this week, go to this site first so you know what to talk about, what to say, how to react, etc. You don't want to commit an embarrassing faux pas*.

Example: #27- Marathons
In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you. A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth. To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon. Not to win, just to run.

White people will train for months, telling everyone who will listen about how they get up early in the morning, they run when it rains, how it makes them feels so great and gives them energy.

When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).

They will then set goals like running in the Boston Marathon or the New York Marathon.

If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately. Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.

Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles. If the subject ever comes up, just say that triathletes are in better shape than football and basketball players. It’s not true, but it will make the conversation a lot more genial.
*What is a faux pas, you ask? Well, if you pronounced "faux pas" the way it is spelled, that would be a faux pas. Got it?


Scotte Hodel said...

If that's french, it should end with "pas."

Mark Swanson said...

It appears that you are right- I even looked it up on google before I posted! Stupid internet!

OK, I'll just change it all and hope nobody reads these comments.

BTW: The correct spelling is "Scott".